like a smack of branches to the dirt; like clean-shaven legs new against the sheets; like the cat’s stretch so deep and luxurious, you swear he is realigning the stars:

i have come back into myself. it is not easy, but it is light, and although tired, i am now awake.

dinner, over drinks: we’re discussing how the dog has taken to chewing every little thing i ever cared about.

“you know, i was the same way too, when i was a puppy. everything – it was one-half territorial and one-half this obsession with nomming my way through space.”

“it’s funny, it was totally out of character, but i did that when i was a kitten, too. i’m pretty sure it was 100% territorial.”

“when i was a gorilla, i used to depress the shit out of the other kids and pretend i was ishmael.”

“oh god, of course you did.”

sometimes, i think i am pulling the longest con in the recent history of man.

sometimes, i want to drop all my bags in the middle of the street and just say – fuck it, i’m tired and i won’t do this anymore.

other times, there are lakes in vermont and things so soft that they feel like turning over into a patch of sunlight.