green is particularly brilliant in low-light
newly arching up the garage outside my window.
this is the quiet spring right before the storm.
i am kneeling on my comforter
and i am seeing if there is a scent
between your two shoulder-blades.
there is.

I saw someone on the train that looked so much like someone I hurt badly. At first, I ran to the other side of the traincar, a complete coward. Once I realized it wasn’t him, I inched closer until I was pretty much in the seat next to him.

That hat, that shirt, that slight slouch. I turned to him and spilled it out. Yes, everyone surrounding thought I was nuts. He was the only one that seemed vaguely amused. I was all knotting and sputtering, telling him how very sorry I was for being such a very stupid and selfish coward, and there weren’t enough words in the English language to make it better. That even while I was doing the confused and silly things I was doing, I had looked down from above myself and had wanted to bring it all to a screeching halt – I would Superman (before that meant something else) back the traincarwreck that I had created, far enough back down the line that he had never even met me. He had and always would deserve so very much better than I gave, and even those wishes were above him because if I really, truly was worth listening to, I wouldn’t have done them in the first place.

And he had the same expression on his face when I was done. He asked if I was going to be okay about it now. It was clear to him and the 12 other people around us that I wouldn’t. And that was how it was supposed to be.